You may remember that in the early pages of the DWS book, Dr. Marshall mentions Victor Frankl.  Dr. Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, dramatically demonstrated through his own actions and attitudes while imprisoned in WWII concentration camps that people (whether they realize it or not,) always have the power to choose their own thoughts and perspectives on life––regardless of the situation in which they find themselves.

Teaching this concept of “choice-response thinking” to young people is at the core of the DWS approach.  Realizing that each of us always has a choice in how we behave and learn––regardless of the situation, the stimulus or the urge to act on an impulse––is one of the key understandings that students need in order to take full advantage of the DWS Hierarchy.  Level D derives its power from the fact that it is a voluntary level; it can never be forced.

In the TED clip linked above, Dr. Frankl lectures on another concept closely related to teaching and DWS-–-that of believing in the goodness and greatness of every student, despite the current level of behavior that he/she might be displaying.

I found Frankl’s thinking on this subject to be not only inspiring but very logical too.  It makes sense to believe in others!

The blackboard diagram he draws near the end of the clip, gave me a visual that I intend to bring to mind when I encounter challenging situations with my students.  You might find it useful in calming and directing your mind too.  We, as teachers, also have choices to make!

I want to make an banner for my room.  Do you have a good quote that would encourage students to make good choices?

DR. MARSHALL’S RESPONSE:

Here’s one I used in my classes:

Responsibility finds a way.

Irresponsibility finds excuses.

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This past Monday morning when it was time to go to the gym for our regular Monday morning assembly, Cody had a photograph that a parent must  have given him outside; likely it was a snapshot of a birthday party that he had attended recently.  Being focused on the urgency I felt about getting to the assembly on time, I didn’t notice how much this photo seemed to have captured Cody’s attention.  As a result I got myself into a power struggle with him over putting it away.  I’m embarrassed to say it just got worse and worse!  Eventually it came to a point where I (stupidly) said that he couldn’t take the photo to the gym and from there, the situation really went downhill!

In hindsight, it would have been much smarter to spend just one moment longer to look at the photo with him, admire it, share his pleasure and then make the suggestion that it would be a wise move to put such a precious photo safely into a backpack.  But as they say, hindsight is 20/20!

Angry that I had told him to put the photo away, Cody refused to come to the gym.  To drive the point home, with great determination he ripped up his precious photo in my face.  Thanks to DWS, I was able to send the other kids off to the gym unescorted, explaining: Cody really needs me to talk to him right now. Do you think you can make it to the gym on Level D, all by yourselves?”

I asked Cody, “Who did you hurt by ripping up your photo?”  At first he said, “You made me do it!  It’s your fault!”  I ignored this and asked again:  “Who have you hurt by ripping up your nice picture?”    Well,  we went around in circles for a bit, but a moment later when I elaborated (“Who have you really hurt here?  Who’s the person who really cares about this picture?  Me or you?”) I saw a click happen in his brain.

He suddenly realized that indeed, he was the one who had been hurt by his actions––his picture was destroyed.  He became sullenly silent and started to walk with me to the gym.  When we got there he saw an opportunity to be uncooperative and said, “I’m not going in.  I’m going to stay right out here in the hall.”

Rather than get into another power struggle I said, “I can’t make you come in but I can’t leave you out here by yourself either.  I want to go in because I know the Grade 6′s are singing today and I want to see them.  I’ll just ask Mrs. Smith (an aide) to come and stand with you.”  Well, I’d piqued his curiosity with talk of the singing; he decided he would come in.

But before we got down the four stairs into the gym, he said to me,  “I’m not going to sit with the class.  I’m going to sit by you.”  So we stopped right there at the front of the gym and I said,  “I can’t make you sit with the rest of the kids, but you should know that if you sit beside me, away from the other kids in Grade One, all the people in the gym are going to be looking at you.  They’re going to wonder why you’re sitting with your teacher instead of with your class.  Is that what you want?”

Undaunted and still feeling contrary he said, “Well, I am going to sit with the class but I’m going to curl up in a ball on the floor,” to which it was easy to reply.

“I can’t make you sit up like all the other kids but if you curl up in a ball then everyone is really going to be looking at you and wondering what you’re doing––because that’s quite an unusual thing to do.”  He didn’t say anything more and just went to sit down––upright and in his proper place.

***************************************************************************************************

Here’s what I learned that day:

1. It’s important to take time to give genuine personal attention to a child who needs it in the moment, and;

2. There’s great value in responding calmly to a child who is angry––by pointing out choices and asking reflective questions.

She recently asked me the question posted below and I share my response here because it includes an explanation of how this discipline approach can be used to help children take responsibility for their own behavior by understanding the concept of CHOICE-RESPONSE THINKING. In other words, as humans, we have the ability to consciously choose our behavior, so therefore, we also always have a choice in how we respond to any situation or stimulus or impulse.

Whereas most conventional discipline approaches–typically based on external motivation–rely on OVERPOWERING or DISEMPOWERING students who choose to misbehave, an approach based on internal motivation has a different goal; to EMPOWER a child to take charge of their own behavior. This makes discipline far more positive. As well, over time, DWS offers many valuable understandings to the students–understandings that are totally bypassed when a teacher is focused primarily on just stopping misbehavior immediately, with either the quick promise of a reward or the threat of a slight punishment.

Here’s that question I was asked …

QUESTION:
Do your parent volunteers bring babies, toddlers and preschoolers with them when they volunteer during your Whole School Read? If so, how do you deal with these little children in the room when your class is trying to read?

MY RESPONSE:
Sometimes we do have younger siblings join us when their parents come in to volunteer for the half hour of reading. When we do, we make toys available but it’s the parent’s job to get them out etc. Sometimes, it’s actually a bonus if we have a preschooler or toddler who loves stories and will sit still and listen. It provides an audience for the grade ones — then it works out really well! Sometimes an older baby is content to sit in a stroller with their own toys, near their mom who is helping.

Sometimes though, a younger child CAN BE a bit of a problem but then we use our discipline system to deal with it. Just to be clear, we use our discipline approach to deal with our grade ones–not the disruptive toddlers who are simply doing what toddlers naturally and joyfully do!

Such a situation gives us the perfect opportunity to talk about self-discipline. That’s one of the first suggestions of this approach: view problems as opportunities to teach and learn! We use Marvin Marshall’s Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards which is all about fostering SELF-discipline. We really focus on this; it’s quietly woven into every subject and activity. We think of this program as a gift really. What better gift could you give a child than starting them down the path towards becoming self-disciplined in their lives?

DWS is based on teaching a Hierarchy of four levels that can be used to discuss personal and social responsibility. It’s too much to explain it all here but the article, Using a Discipline System to Promote Learning would give you an overview.

To deal with the situation you asked about, we have a discussion with our grade ones using the four levels of Marshall’s Hierarchy. We focus on the two highest levels, both of which are acceptable levels of behavior in the classroom.

We talk about the need for SELF-control when someone younger can’t manage (or appears to be having a great time playing with toys during our lesson time!)

In other words, regardless of the fact that there is:

• someone having a playtime while WE’re reading,

• baby “babble” in the room,

• a younger child moving around a bit too quickly, or;

• a toddler eating a snack that looks quite good! etc.,

WE can still be in control of ourselves and make good use of our reading practice time ANYWAY. Our Whole School Read is one of the most important learning times of our day and so it’s important to stay focused and use our time wisely. In fact, it’s our job to use our school time to learn. Our playtimes, snack times and free times come later in the day–not first thing in the morning!

Referring to the four levels of the Hierarchy, we help our students to understand that a person who lowers their own behavior when young children and babies are in the room, is in effect deciding to choose a very young level of maturity themselves.

Viewed in this light, misbehavior doesn’t look very attractive! Students are keen to display a high level of maturity because all of us (at any age,) want to feel capable and in control of ourselves. Even someone as young as grade one would like to consider themselves grown-up–certainly grown up enough to manage better than a cranky baby or slightly out-of-control two year old.

We finish the conversation by reviewing that all behaviour is a CHOICE. We can CHOOSE to act with self-discipline–even in situations that aren’t perfect. We can CHOOSE not to be distracted by small things. We can CHOOSE to “do the right thing, simply because it’s the right thing to do” which, in a nutshell, sums up the focus of Marvin Marshall’s discipline program.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.  

Discipline without Stress allows me to help kids understand that there is always “another street” in life — so why not take it?  We don’t have to keep falling in that same hole in the sidewalk day after day, year after year.  There’s a CHOICE!  If we want to, we can choose a different path. 

While Portia seems to have suffered more than half of her lifetime before learning about choice-response thinking, we don’t have to! Every day, we can choose to become more conscious about the things we say, the decisions we make, and the actions we take. In so doing, we can end up with very different results–ones that we really want and ones that don’t include unnecessary suffering! 

QUESTION:

I have a 3rd grade student who is demonstrating increasingly 
disruptive behaviors. I have all kinds 
of support with him – my principal, school counselor, 
behavioral specialist – we’re all involved, every day. This boy can work elsewhere when he can’t manage in the classroom. My question is this: How do I 
teach the other students that it’s better for them to 
ignore this student’s behavior than to be an audience or worse yet, play along? I need some “choice 
words” to really explain it and underscore the importance of this.

They did a great job today and I complimented 
them on doing so after the student had been removed from the room. A couple of them asked me individually why that student wasn’t with us and I told them that when behaviors 
interrupt everyone’s learning time, it can’t be permitted to go on and that the student was with the principal. Any advice/good words to use?

RESPONSE:

For situations like this, I find a discussion centered around the understandings 
of Marvin Marshall’s Discipline Without Stress HIERARCHY to be invaluable. Even 
though you may not be familiar with Marshall’s approach, I think I could explain 
the basics of it enough for you to be able to use it in your current situation. You wanted some “choice” words to use. One of 
the principles that forms the basis of this approach is helping kids understand 
that all personal behavior is a choice.

In a nutshell, Marshall’s approach fosters SELF-discipline. This is exactly what I 
imagine you are hoping your students will develop with respect to managing 
their own behavior when faced with a classmate who is 
displaying very little self-discipline.

Marshall’s Hierarchy has four levels of personal/social development: 
Levels A, B, C, D.

Levels A (Anarchy) and B (Bossing/Bullying) describe unacceptable behavior in 
any situation.

Just as an example, 
currently your disruptive student is often choosing to operate (either consciously or non-consciously,) at these lower levels of A 
and B. In other words, he is not in control of himself and relies 
on an adult to take control of his behavior most of the time. Just as you 
explained to students in your class, whenever a person can’t manage their 
own behavior in an acceptable manner, then the adult has to take over and 
manage their behavior for them. In your case, the adults in the school have sometimes 
found it necessary to remove this child from the room in order to preserve the 
learning environment for all the other students. It’s only fair that the other 
students have the opportunity to learn in an orderly, safe classroom.

Here’s an important point from Marshall’s program for students to 
understand:

All behavior is a personal CHOICE. If any of them were to follow along and 
misbehave–by copying a disruptive student or even by just giving encouragement as an appreciative audience–they too would be CHOOSING to 
operate at a lower level than acceptable.

In discussing the situation, you would also talk about the other two levels, C 
(Cooperation) and D (Democracy), which describe HIGHER levels of 
personal and social development. Level C is acceptable. But then there is Level 
D, which describes something even higher than acceptable. You might think of 
it as exceptional, although Marshall doesn’t use that exact description in his program.

DwStress teachers use the Hierarchy to help students understand self-discipline. The key to the approach is to explain ALL the levels to students but focus 
especially on some important understandings related to the highest two levels, 
C and D.

The difference between Level C and D (that is, between acceptable and 
exceptional behavior), can be explained in terms of motivation:

At Level C, a student is motivated EXTERNALLY to behave themselves by 
cooperating, and by willingly conforming to the expectations of the adult—AS 
LONG AS THE ADULT IS PRESENT. In your situation, this would describe 
students who can manage themselves appropriately in the classroom (even 
though one child is being incredibly disruptive in front of them,) whenever they 
notice the teacher is nearby or directly looking their way.

This level is higher than Level B because (at least when the teacher is present 
and is watching,) the child operating at Level C is self-disciplined enough to do 
the right thing. Their motivation is external however. They are motivated to do the right 
thing, perhaps to please their teacher or because they realize that to do 
anything disruptive would only lead to getting into trouble themselves.

Level C is the expected level of behaviour in the classroom in Marshall’s system 
of discipline. It is the level of obedience. In all other discipline systems 
that I’ve seen, this level is considered the highest level of behavior, but not so 
in Marshall’s approach. Having a higher-than-acceptable level is what makes 
Discipline Without Stress unique.

**********************************************************************************************************

Level D is the level of taking responsibility for yourself. It is the level of SELF-
discipline. It is the level of doing the right thing simply because it is the right 
thing to do. In other words, students operating at Level D think for themselves. 
They consciously make CHOICES for themselves with the understanding that all 
behavior is a personal choice.

You might think of Level D as the level of following your own conscience. When 
operating from this highest level, a student does the right thing regardless of 
whether or not an adult is present. In your situation, this describes a student who 
notices that a fellow student has chosen to behave in inappropriate ways and yet 
is not influenced to follow along–whether the teacher is watching or not.

They decide for themselves that following along or giving encouragement to the 
disruptive student would only mean that their own behaviour was no better off 
than that of the disruptive student–they would no longer be in control of 
themselves – in fact, they would be ALLOWING THE DISRUPTIVE STUDENT TO BE IN CONTROL OF THEM.

When you complimented your class on being able to manage themselves when 
one student was losing control, you were actually acknowledging that they were 
either on Level C or D of Marshall’s Hierarchy. The interesting thing is that Level 
C and D behaviour usually looks identical to anyone watching. The only 
difference between these two levels is in WHY the person is MOTIVATED to act 
correctly.

Some of your students would have been on Level C—they were motivated to act 
appropriately because your presence motivated them 
(externally) to behave themselves. This is acceptable but it’s not the highest 
level of behaviour.

Some would likely have been operating on the higher level, Level D. They simply 
knew inside themselves that to follow or encourage the disruptive student would 
be inappropriate. In other words they were INTERNALLY motivated.They 
wouldn’t have followed along with or acted inappropriately–even if they 
were all alone in the room with him.

Here’s the conversation I have had with 
previous classes in similar situations.

Just as you did, when it came up, I would be quite candid in discussing that ____ is sometimes working elsewhere in the school. Just as you did, I would 
explain that his behavior is out of control at the moment and that he is 
showing little self-discipline. I would ask someone in the class to identify the 
Hierarchy level of this type of disruptive behavior. Any child in the class would 
be able to correctly identify it as either Level A or B. Then I would ask them to 
tell me what happens when someone chooses to operate at an unacceptable 
level–to the point where it interferes with other people’s learning. Someone 
would say that when a student continually operates at Level B, a teacher has to 
take over. A teacher has to be the boss and tell the person what to do.

I would agree and say that yes, that is what the current situation is. ____ 
has such little self-discipline at the moment, that the adults have decided that 
he needs to work somewhere else in the school so that others can still learn and 
he can be helped to learn some self-discipline. Hopefully, with some help, ____ 
will soon learn to control himself enough to be able to rejoin the class in an 
acceptable manner. Then he too, will be able to move forward in his schooling.

Then I would initiate a discussion about the behavior of EVERYONE ELSE in this 
situation. I would talk about how we all have a personal choice in how we 
respond to ____ and his lack of self-discipline. I would ask them to imagine 
some scenarios.

For example, I would say:

What if someone chose to follow along and copy ____? What level would that 
be? (B)

What if someone chose to encourage ____ by laughing or making other 
comments (B)

Would a person who chose to encourage ____, or be influenced into following ____, be self-disciplinedthemselves?

I would talk about how some people in this situation might follow or encourage 
____, thinking that it was ____’S FAULT that they were misbehaving. I would 
make sure that everyone understood that ____’s behaviour can only influence 
our own, if we allow that and if we have no self-discipline ourselves.

Then I would move to discussing higher level behavior, Level C and D. I would 
first get them to describe behavior at each of these levels. They would explain that at Level C, a student watching ____ and 
his antics, wouldn’t follow or encourage ____ because they see the teacher in 
the room and know that it wouldn’t be a good idea to act like ____ because then 
they’d be in trouble too.

I’d say, yes, that’s true. Level C is acceptable behaviour. They would be able to 
manage their own response to ____ because they’d be smart enough not to do 
something inappropriate themselves WITH A TEACHER WATCHING. We’d talk 
about how they were doing the right thing, but that they were relying on the 
presence of the teacher to influence them in how they chose to behave. The 
result would be that classroom atmosphere would remain fairly calm and we’d 
be helping ____ too because he would see what self-discipline looks like in the 
rest of us.

Then I’d remind them that both Level C and D are acceptable and I would ask 
them this:

If Level C is acceptable, how is Level D higher?

Then some child would be able to explain in their own words that Level D is 
higher because the person at Level D wouldn’t be influenced by ____’s antics–
EVEN IF THE TEACHER WASN’T WATCHING or even if the teacher wasn’t in the 
room at all. Regardless of whether the teacher was in the room or not, they 
wouldn’t follow or encourage misbehavior, simply because they know that that’s the 
right thing to do. They wouldn’t want to encourage ____ to act up because they 
would know that wasn’t helping ____. They wouldn’t follow ____because 
they wouldn’t want to sink to Level B behavior themselves.

Then we’d talk about the benefits of being self-disciplined and being internally 
motivated to do the right thing simply because it’s the right thing to do in the 
situation. We’d talk about HOW GOOD IT FEELS to be in control of yourself. 
We’d talk about how people who are self-disciplined can respect themselves. 
When people often operate at a high level, they understand that to sink down to 
a lower level and follow someone else’s misbehavior means that they would be part of the 
problem. What self-respecting person wants to think of themselves as a 
problem! It FEELS GOOD to respect yourself and think highly of your own 
behavior. Operating at Level D allows you to take great pride in yourself.

As I said, I have had this exact same discussion with my own class in previous 
years and I have many similar discussions EVERY DAY about the benefits of 
operating at a high level; about exactly what it looks like to operate on a high 
level in ordinary everyday situations.

Although this might sound as if it would be above the heads of primary 
students, it isn’t at all. I teach Kindergarten and grade one. I simply 
use vocabulary that young children will understand to get the points across.

Although this way of thinking about behavior and self-discipline is very new to 
most teachers, I sense from your question that you are already thinking along these 
same lines. I hope my own experiences with fostering self-discipline through 
Marvin Marshall’s Discipline Without Stress will be of value to you!

RESPONSE:
Firstly, you can decide to make it a habit to use the three principles of DwStress–POSITIVITY, CHOICE and REFLECTION–in all your teaching.

1. You can phrase your communications positively.

For example, you can begin the class with a confident smile, letting them know that you are pleased to be working with your favorite age group! I don’t know about you, but whatever group I’m currently working with is always my favorite!

2. You can build small choices into the day.

For instance, you might say: “Your teacher left me a plan for the day. She said that we need to complete a written assignment and discuss some review questions for Friday’s test. Which would you like to do first? Let’s take a quick vote.”

You can offer choices to misbehaving students—even if the school requires that certain consequences need to be imposed. In a quiet and non-confrontational way, you might say, “I notice in your teacher’s planning book, that talking out of turn results in 20 minutes of lost lunch time. Is this what you really want? Which sounds better to you? Spending your lunch time in here with me doing an assignment, or in the cafeteria with your friends? I’m prepared to stay in with you, but the decision is really up to you.”

3. You can use reflective questioning to prompt thinking, as in the example above.

Your question reminded me of a letter I once received from someone who was intrigued by an experience I had written about in a little story titled, “Choosing Your Teacher.” The concept of “choosing your teacher” is mentioned in Dr. Marshall’s book, Discipline without Stress.

She explained to me that in the past when she had worked as a guest teacher, she had always found it effective to explain to classes that the students actually held the power to choose the kind of teacher they would like to have while their own teacher was away.

Here’s her story:

Quite a few years ago when my children were young, I subbed for our district because I wasn’t quite ready to go back to full-time teaching. By the way, this was long before I’d heard about Discipline Without Stress.

I used to go into the classrooms in the morning and give each class a little speech about who I was…what my expectations were…etc. And somewhere in there, I always managed to say some variation of, “You get to decide whether we have a great day together or a horrible day together. I can be a really fun teacher–or a really mean teacher. And it’s totally up to you which one I will be today.”

I loved subbing and invariably had great days with the kids. I hadn’t thought about that line, “choosing your teacher,” in years, until I read your story about the kids in your class discovering that they might all have a different teacher–depending on their own behaviors!

I would suggest that this person’s strategy of being upfront with the students and inviting them to be conscious of the fact that they actually hold the power to CHOOSE the type of teacher they would like to have while their regular teacher is away, would be an excellent way to start off any guest teaching assignment. It’s positive, it puts the responsibility for behavior where it belongs–on the students–and it empowers them with a choice!

In the beginning of the year, Casey was able to do many of the academic assignments given to our regular students but lately he has been unable to keep up with the pace of learning that is suitable for all the others in the class. Although we have modified our expectations for him and have created an individualized program that would better suit his academic needs, he is quite aware that he’s no longer able to do the same tasks as the other children. He knows he can’t keep up, and sadly this has led to strong feelings of frustration and inadequacy for Casey.

Over the past several weeks Casey has started to make a lot of noises during lessons and sometimes he even refuses to do what is asked of him. Sitting as he does, in the front of the room (in a spot he chose last June), this kind of behavior causes disturbances that hampers the learning of others. So, a couple of days ago, Darlene asked Casey to stay in at lunch for a private discussion.

She asked him to identify his level of operation during lesson times. He said he was on Level A because his noises were loud. Probably WE would say he was operating on Level B, not quite as low as A, but this is an example of a time where it wouldn’t have been productive to quibble about the exact level. Level A or B – it really doesn’t matter in this case–both are unacceptable–and that is the important point.

Then Darlene asked Casey WHO he wanted to be in charge of him–himself or her? Who did he want to have power over him? He quickly said that he wanted to have power over himself. She then explained to him that if a person operates on the lower two levels they are giving their power away to someone else. A teacher responding to Level A or B behavior, has to take over and be the boss—the teacher ends up in charge. That’s how Levels A and B work.

Darlene then honestly told Casey that she couldn’t have a person who is setting a poor example by making noises and refusing to do his work, sit at the front of the room. She explained that the other children might think this was okay. As well, she said that she found that when someone was making noises right near her, she felt distracted in her teaching and so couldn’t give a good lesson.

Sadly, she asked him to consider what should have to happen if he continued to operate on a low level? Well, even he could see there was only one option–he’d have to move to a desk in the back of the room. She asked him if he thought he could have power over himself–or would SHE need to take control of him? He said that he could do it himself–and he did! He’s been cooperative and attentive for the last two days.

The pledge is:

I am a Peacebuilder.
I pledge to give up put-downs,
seek wise people,
notice and speak up about hurts I have caused,
and to right wrongs.
I pledge to build peace at home, at school,
and in my community each day.

RESPONSE:
Perhaps you feel uncomfortable, not about the pledge itself, but rather about TELLING students that they MUST recite a pledge, which they haven’t voluntarily chosen.

The three principles of DISCIPLINE without STRESS are POSITIVITY, REFLECTION and CHOICE. Although the sentiments of this pledge are POSITIVE, and reciting the pledge may encourage students to REFLECT upon what they can do to become a more peaceful person, an element of CHOICE is missing from this exercise.

In this system of discipline, the goal is to help students develop SELF-discipline through teaching them about the four levels of social development as presented in the Hierarchy. One of the most critical understandings of the Hierarchy is that internal motivation indicates a higher level of personal/social development than does external motivation. In other words, although the actions of Level C and D most often look the same (that is, the individual chooses to “do the right thing”), the two levels do differ in their source of motivation.

In this approach to discipline, we teach young people that following inner guidance (Level D), is a higher level of operation than simply complying with an external pressure (Level C). Therefore, if a student is required to recite a pledge, and the desire to recite the pledge is motivated more from a desire to comply with the principal or teacher, rather than from a genuine desire to pledge peaceful behaviour, the exercise promotes Level C behavior. While Level C is an acceptable level of operation, it is not the highest level (D)–the level to which we would like to encourage students to aspire.

With this in mind, you might consider slightly modifying this pledge by beginning each new sentence with the phrase, “I can choose…” thus creating an opportunity for students to learn a valuable lesson about choice-response thinking.

It would then read:

I can choose to be a Peacebuilder.
I can choose to give up put-downs,
seek wise people,
notice and speak up about hurts I have caused,
and to right wrongs.
I can choose to build peace at home, at school,
and in my community each day.

This is an example of what Dr. Marshall would call “empowering young people” through choice-response thinking–helping them become aware that all behavior is a CHOICE. You can empower your students by helping them realize that they can CHOOSE to do all the wonderful things mentioned in this pledge. In other words, just reciting a pledge about peace does not automatically ensure that an individual will be peaceful–a CONSCIOUS DECISION to act as a peacebuilder is first necessary.

To further emphasize that becoming a peacebuilder requires a conscious decision to operate in peaceful ways, you might occasionally follow the pledge with a reflective question such as: “What could YOU do today that would make you a peacebuilder in our class/school?” or “What could you do today to make the world a more peaceful place?“ At the end of the day, students could silently reflect on how well they had met their own goals.

We all admired them, thanked her and then I never thought any more about it. Of course, if I HAD been thinking, I would have realized that we needed to discuss what to do with our little gifts once snack time was over! However, on the other hand, if I had been thinking in a proactive way (and had established a procedure as I should have), we wouldn’t have had the following “teachable moment” to talk about what it means to be able to “choose your teacher!“

After snack, we met at the carpet for an activity and that’s when a little beady baby decided to come out of a pocket! When it did, that child and I had a little discussion about what level of operation it was to be playing with a toy during a lesson time. He said, “B” and I asked him what he should do with the beady baby since it wasn’t acceptable to have a toy out at carpet time. He said he would put it on the back table and he did.

After the story at the carpet, the kids returned to their desks and as I started to give directions for the assignment, other beady babies began to appear! Oh brother! Hadn’t we all just been at the carpet, listening to a discussion about toys out at lesson time???!!

As my stress level started to rise, I first felt annoyed with myself for not having dealt with the situation correctly at snack time, but then decided that instead of focusing on my mistake, I could implement the Discipline Without Stress “Principle of Choice.” I could CHOOSE to look on the bright side and change my mindset. As Dr. Marshall often suggests, I could choose to look at this situation in a different way—as a “discipline opportunity,” rather than as a “discipline problem!”

We calmly talked again (for heaven’s sake!), about what level a person was operating on if they chose to ignore a classroom expectation that had just been discussed. I didn’t actually speak directly to any one individual–I just asked the class as a whole. Someone replied that it was Level B and explained why.

I asked if they realized that when someone acts on Level B, they get a “Level B teacher.” I said, “And what does that mean–what is a Level B teacher?” One child said, “A bossy teacher,” and I asked how a Level B teacher would respond if people CONTINUED to play with beady babies once they knew that this wasn’t acceptable. They could all answer that one–they knew that a Level B teacher would simply take the beady baby away.

Then we went on to discuss how it was interesting that in a class like ours, some people might have a Level B teacher and some people might have a Level C or D teacher–-yet, all the people in the class have EXACTLY THE SAME PERSON for a teacher! How could that be? We talked about how it related to the level of operation of each student.

A student misbehaving at Level B, who kept pulling out a beady baby and making it dance across the desk, would probably have to deal with a Level B teacher–a teacher who was getting mad and eventually would take the beady baby away till the end of the day.

A student operating at a higher level would know that it wasn’t a good idea to bring out that beady baby until lunch time–whether the teacher had discussed it or not. They would simply know from having been in school for almost two whole years that having a toy out during lesson time was something they shouldn’t do.

We talked about where the Level C/D students might store their beady babies… perhaps inside a desk, in a pocket, in their backpack, in their mailbox, or even on top of their desk in the “eraser house,” but… THEY WOULDN’T TOUCH their beady babies during lesson time! Level C/D students would have the self-control to see the toy there in the eraser house or know that it was in their pocket etc., BUT THEY WOULDN’T PLAY WITH IT during lessons.

We talked about what type of teacher these students would have. Well, of course, they would have a Level C/D teacher… which means what? “A friendly, nice teacher,” according to the kids. Then we talked a bit more (and were amazed!) about how this friendly, nice teacher was actually the SAME teacher as the bossy teacher!

What if someone interviewed the kids in Division 7 for a TV show? One student might say she had a friendly, nice teacher but someone else might say he had a bossy teacher. Wasn’t that interesting?!!! In fact, wasn’t this even kind of funny?!!! Yes, the whole class could see the humor in this!

We talked about how there were lots of kids (the ones who didn’t know about the Hierarchy), who wouldn’t know that they were actually CHOOSING the kind of teacher they wanted! Bossy or friendly–it was a CHOICE! Wow!

We had quite a good laugh over the whole silly situation! Imagine–some students actually CHOOSE a bossy teacher, but they don’t know how they did it! I told them that there were even kids in high school who hadn’t figured this out yet!! My students couldn’t believe it–it seemed so obvious to US! Of course we had to laugh again!

And then, since everyone seemed to “get it,” we went back to our lesson. I never saw another misbehavin’ beady baby again that day, even though many of them actually spent the day right out on top of the desk in the eraser house!

And that’s why I love the Hierarchy from DISCIPLINE without STRESS! An annoying problem can be turned into an opportunity. You can have a laugh with your class and at the same time help them gain a valuable understanding about how to operate successfully in life.