RESPONSE:
To me, this describes a situation in which no one is actually involved in planning or imposing consequences in any way–the consequence simply happens as a matter of course, as a natural outcome of one’s actions. For example, if a child loses his coat at school, then one natural consequence of the situation is that he might feel cold on the way home.

Here’s another example: If a person doesn’t get up on time in the morning, a natural consequence might be that she misses her bus. There might also be further natural consequences–she might be late and also might have to walk to her destination.

To my way of thinking, natural consequences are often the best way for anyone, of any age, to learn. When a consequence naturally happens to you as a result of certain behavior, there’s generally an awareness that there’s no one to blame but yourself. Smart people pay attention to these kinds of situations and can decide to learn from them.

Often though, OTHER people watching a natural consequence unfold, can’t resist the temptation to jump in with an “I told you so!” which usually means the lesson gets lost. When an “I told you so!” is thrown in, young people may suddenly re-direct their anger or embarrassment. Instead of feeling uncomfortable with themselves (which often leads to some real learning), their emotions are shifted toward the person who has just said, “I told you so!!” Unfortunately, the learning is often then lost entirely.

Of course, the unfortunate downside to natural consequences is that often it’s not possible to allow children to experience the natural outcome of their behavior–sometimes it can be too dangerous or simply not an option. For instance, the natural consequence of running out on to a busy road is that you might be hit by a car–obviously, not an option!

Another problem is this: If the natural result of the behavior isn’t easily or quickly connected to the person’s behavior, then allowing natural consequences to unfold isn’t a very effective route to helping a person grow. For instance, grumpy people often don’t connect their behavior (chronic grumpiness) to the result of their behavior (others avoid them.)

If the grumpy person doesn’t connect a lack of friendship with their own grumpiness, then the learning can’t occur. Often, the result (no friends,) could take years to come about. Leaving someone to suffer for years before they finally connect their own behavior to the things that are happening in their life isn’t very effective, or kind either.

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Posted In: Guided Choices
posted On: July 23, 2008: 3:18 pm: By Kerry Weisner
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